Memoirs of a Facebook Addict

I recently finished my court ordered attendance to the peer support group FAA, Facebook Addict’s Anonymous, and I have to say that  I have turned over a new leaf. I was once that guy who sat in front of his computer, dark patches under eye, aimlessly clicking through the photo albums of people he did not know or like. I was once that guy who would begin to foam at the mouth and hallucinate if he did not have his daily hit of Crackbook. Now, I am a majestic butterfly, emerged from my chrysalis, and fluttering towards my  Bar Mitzvah to become a man-moth-beast.

I have been born anew, yet the yearning for Facebook still ravages my psyche like an African cannibal on an English missionary. Every morning I wake up and see the computer screen, glowing in its majesty, and I wonder “Did somebody write on my wall today?” “Who will save the lost penguin from the North Pole that was found on my friend’s farm in Kansas?” “Who will win the bloody battle in Mafia wars? The Bloodz or the Cripz?”

Every night I lay my head to sleep and think about all the acres that I did not get to till on Farmville, all the mundane things that nobody takes notice of in real life yet has over a million fans, and all the people that chat message me, every time I log in, with my name in all capitals followed by a copious amount of exclamation marks. ( [INSERT NAME][INSERT A PLETHORA OF UNNEEDED, UNEXPLAINBALE, AND ANNOYING EXCLAMATION MARKS] )

Yes, my soul is on fire, crying out for Facebook, yet I stand firm in my resolve. I will introduce myself back into society. I vow to never spend another waking moment on Facebook crying because nobody has requested me as a friend in over a month. I pledge to develop my social skills and realize that saying lol, brb, or wtf is not acceptable in real life. Yes, I am a Facebook addict and this is my memoir.

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    • Sterling Feeser
    • February 1st, 2010

    The sad thing is, I am accountable for most of this XDXDXDXDXD

    Great entry!! But, one thing was bothering me…
    Butterflies emerge from chrysalises while moths emerge from cocoons….

    Other than that, very well done and worded!!

    • Grant
    • February 1st, 2010

    Hah.. I’m accountable for some of these things, also. You’re hitting Facebook addicts dead on with this.

  1. whooaaa…!!!
    welll… being a self-confessed addict myself.. i even went to the extent of creating a parody of Dont Stop the Music by Rihanna to Dont Stop My Farming 😉

    and yes you’re read my confessions of a Facebook-addict-turned-blog-addict urself.. so you knw how it is 😀
    good blog.. keep writing
    i’m waitinf for more 😀

    • I would love to hear the Parody. I have never played Farmville but have always wondered what the fuss is about.

      Thanks for the comment and I am definitely looking forward to more posts by Dr. Megz hahah

    • MegaSeveN
    • February 2nd, 2010

    Haha, that was a good read. I laughed, I cried, it was an emotional rollercoaster.

    I never got into the silly games like Farmville or Mafia Wars, but God… Others were obsessed, and the updates were plentiful. Drove me batty.

    • Bhamini Bopanna
    • February 2nd, 2010

    O! Face book kindred… well done. Here’s wishing you a speedy recovery 🙂

    • I am glad that I am not alone. Thankfully I have gotten over my addiction. (I feel as if I am actually talking of a drug hahah)

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