What is to come

I have just finished watching, what I feel is, one of the most engaging documentaries to date. It did not grasp my interest because it was a trendy or controversial. It caught my interest because it is something that is apart of my every day life. Something that I have grown up with since birth. Something that effects me and many of my friends.

It is the digital age and its effect on society and you can find the documentary posted at this link.

The reason I am posting this is because Another Day On Facebook is scheduled to release another Blogitorial by the end of the week and it goes along very well with the documentary. So stay subscribed and keep checking back.

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Memoirs of a Facebook Addict

I recently finished my court ordered attendance to the peer support group FAA, Facebook Addict’s Anonymous, and I have to say that  I have turned over a new leaf. I was once that guy who sat in front of his computer, dark patches under eye, aimlessly clicking through the photo albums of people he did not know or like. I was once that guy who would begin to foam at the mouth and hallucinate if he did not have his daily hit of Crackbook. Now, I am a majestic butterfly, emerged from my chrysalis, and fluttering towards my  Bar Mitzvah to become a man-moth-beast.

I have been born anew, yet the yearning for Facebook still ravages my psyche like an African cannibal on an English missionary. Every morning I wake up and see the computer screen, glowing in its majesty, and I wonder “Did somebody write on my wall today?” “Who will save the lost penguin from the North Pole that was found on my friend’s farm in Kansas?” “Who will win the bloody battle in Mafia wars? The Bloodz or the Cripz?”

Every night I lay my head to sleep and think about all the acres that I did not get to till on Farmville, all the mundane things that nobody takes notice of in real life yet has over a million fans, and all the people that chat message me, every time I log in, with my name in all capitals followed by a copious amount of exclamation marks. ( [INSERT NAME][INSERT A PLETHORA OF UNNEEDED, UNEXPLAINBALE, AND ANNOYING EXCLAMATION MARKS] )

Yes, my soul is on fire, crying out for Facebook, yet I stand firm in my resolve. I will introduce myself back into society. I vow to never spend another waking moment on Facebook crying because nobody has requested me as a friend in over a month. I pledge to develop my social skills and realize that saying lol, brb, or wtf is not acceptable in real life. Yes, I am a Facebook addict and this is my memoir.

Another Wednesday

Wednesday, just another day between you and the weekend. Yay…

Dear Mom,
Before you read further I want you to know one thing. You are a shining ray of light in this desolate journey I call life. You are the frog to my lilly-pad and I love you, but I am deleting you from my Facebook friend list.

Please, do not take this the wrong way. We have had a great run and it has been a blast but all good things must come to an end. You have always been there for me and now I am here for you. This is an intervention.  When I first taught you the art of uploading pictures I never thought you would use them for evil. The nude prepubescent pictures of me need to go.

I gave you access to the Holy Grail which is my wall and what do you do? You proceed to comment on all my conversations with the opposite sex by saying “Watch out ladies that tiger is all mine,” or “He is still a minor.”

You spend hours upon hours on the computer and when I request to use it you type to your friends COS “Child Over shoulder.”

Mom, you are being cut off. I love you and you will always be my mother but as of today you are no longer my Facebook Friend.

Sincerely,

Your Son

Mundane Monday

It’s Monday. You are looking forward to the weekend. You are regretting not doing your homework on Sunday night. You are procrastinating on tonight’s homework. You are on Facebook… It’s just another Monday.

That Friend We All Have

The One That Got Away

Definition: That girl who you met at your friends party and then added a day later. That week you were in a poke war and then you were texting her everyday, calling her every night, and stalking her profile every lunch break. Three days later you were four smiley faces from it being Facebook official and you have gotten their name tattooed on your chest. Unfortunately, and predictably, she finds out your real name,  discovers that her name is spelled wrong on your chest, and that you really aren’t an African Prince.

Now, well now, you don’t talk to them any more, your dream of becoming a stripper is dashed because you have the name Michelle Waters tattooed on your chest, and every time you log in you get to see that she is online. Yep, she is the one that got away.

Edit: Right after posting this I took my usual hit of late night cyber crack by logging into Facebook and realized that were three girls online that this applied too.

The Facebook We Love is Going Bye Bye

If you are a CrackBook addict like I am you may have just gone into withdrawal after reading the title of this post. Five minutes ago I too was in cold sweats, tears were flowing down my cheeks, and I was  frantically checking all my fan pages to ensure that I was still in favor of every bodily function under the sun.

Now, five minutes later, the cold sweats are gone, my beautiful yet masculine cheeks are dried, and I still am a fan of breathing. Yes, Facebook is still here but it is quickly becoming something foreign and frightening.

If you compared the Facebook of today to its 2003/2004 counterpart you would immediately notice stark differences. Not only would it be called TheFacebook but there would be no thirteen year olds bragging about getting slurred over the weekend, no multi colored calves being found in Farmville, and there definitely would be no live feed showing every thought that came to your “friend’s”  mind.

Instead you would find a network of university, primarily Ivy League, students communicating openly to each other. You know when people say the good old days? Well for Facebook these were those days. During this period Facebook was a private and exclusive social network of real friends that met, partied, and studied together on a regular basis. This is why there was a large level of trust and openness between its users.

Unfortunately, this culture of trust and openness remained even after the reason for it disappeared. In 2005 Facebook took, what Mark Zuckerberg referred to as, the next logical step and opened itself to all highs schools and then to anybody over the age of thirteen.

Mark Zuckerberg

As one prophetic, albeit drunk, college student said “it was a sign that the end times were near.”

He was right. Now individual’s information is shared not just with their friends, but with their friend’s friends, their fellow players of mafia, their future bosses, a random individual in the same group as them, and now everybody that has the same application as them.

The privacy and exclusiveness that made Facebook popular in the first place has all but disappeared and Mark Zuckerberg believes that this is perfectly alright. The creator of Facebook has deemed being public as the new social norm and has already set forth in making this so.

Recently Facebook attempted to change its terms of use to say that every picture uploaded to your profile is property of Facebook Inc. and can be used by them in any way they want. An online free service that aids individuals in deleting their profile, suicide machine, was banned by Facebook over a month ago and networks, which provide some privacy and exclusiveness, are scheduled to be removed.

The good ole days of Facebook are essentially gone and you know what? I kinda liked those days. Didn’t you?